One of the things I was not prepared for as an At Home Dad was the feeling of isolation. I have no problems talking with anyone, but what do you do when you only have a child to talk to. When my second child was born I began the journey as a Work At Home Dad. My schedule took some time to get organized and I had wonderful plans of play dates, journeys to the park with neighbors and so much other organized activity. What I did not realize was that I had some terrible disfigurement and I scared the local Moms away. If I did not make it a point to go to the park when others did my son would have never seen another child. After a few months it became clear that many of the moms ignored me and the Dads thought I was lazy. Even though I WORK from home I would get the comments like “Mr. Mom”, “Work From Home? Yeah OK” and so on. By the time the weather turned cold my only adult contact became 5 minutes at the preschool with my older son and any and every employee of any store I went to. Many of the moms would go for coffee, but I was never included. There was lunch play dates at the local McDonalds that I was not included in until one mom decided enough was enough. Her son and my son were best buddies in class so a friendship was born. Funny thing is that even though I was the one involved in creating the friendship every time she would call on the weekend for a play date she asked for my wife. After 2 years I have found I am a “Man Among Mommies.” Swim Lessons over the summer dozens of moms, grandmas and me. Library Classes a room full of moms and me. At Preschool a hallway full of moms and me. Organized park district classes a room full of moms and me. It goes on and on and I rarely see another dad at any of the classes. At stores during the day I get the comments like “Dads Stuck With the Kids Today”, “Dads Day Out” “Dad is Babysitting Today” most of the time I give a pleasant smile and say no everyday is daddies day. Now after many years of being at home I have found myself still a bit isolated, but ignored a bit less. I have found people I see on a regular basis have come to expect me to have the kids. The librarians are surprised when I come in without the boys, the greeter at the local big box always gives the extra hello to the boys and the PTO moms that run the local fundraisers are shocked if the boys are not with me. I may still be a bit isolated, but after many years I have seen the people that ignored me, chastised me or unwittingly made rude remarks see me as who I am, Dad. The feeling of isolation will probably not go away anytime soon, but that is a small price to pay for being Dad!
Todd - "A Man Among Mommies"
1 comments:
I had to laugh at the similarities between your experiences and my own. I often got the feeling that the mothers at the park thought I was hitting on them just because I'd strike up a conversation. (Sometimes I felt like telling them not to flatter themselves!)
Why is it that when the Dad stays home with the child, they are considered lazy? In our case, it was, among other things, economically wise. My wife made over twice what I did. Her quitting her job would have been ludicrous. Perhaps that's part of the whole issue. How can a woman possibly make more money than a man?
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