The Economy and At Home Parents

It is truly difficult at times to have a parent stay home with the kids especially in certain areas where property values are rather high.  It is fantastic to have a parent home with the children for so many reasons that at times I think those of us at home forget how difficult it is for the other parent.  We are a "Two Income" house since I work from my home office for a software company as well as some recent Independent Contracting.  With the market the way it is I am pretty much not generating any meaningful income right now form my main job so contracts are needed.  We have tried to avoid having only one income due to the stress that would put on the wife being the only source of support for the family.  For us it is not an option for me to go back to work full time outside of the home since having 3 kids is really daycare prohibitive.  The cost would be way too much not to mention the days off needed for Doctors appointments, dentist visits, sick kids...

The 5 (Difficulties Emotionally For a Family with a Parent At Home)

1. Working Parent Stress - The parent that leaves everyday for work is stressed being the sole support for the family.  The livelyhood of the family depends greatly on them


2. At Home Parent Guilt - Being the one to see the kids all day while the other is at work.  Not bringing in money to support the family.


3. At Home Dad Alone - Many At Home parents have issues with being alone and lacking support, but this is a bigger issue for those Dads staying home.  Many times the "Mommies" ignore them.


4. Change of Plans - When you get married and have kids you might have some grand plans.  With one income those plans tend to be put on hold longer and longer.  Someday those plans will be met, but having a parent home tends to make it a little more challenging.


5. Put Off Until Tomorrow - Many things are put off until tomorrow while you focus on the family.  Jobs, vacations friends...

The 5 (Benefits for a Family with a Parent At Home)

1. You raise Your Kids - Your children are raised the way you want them to be.  Not how someone at some daycare sees fit.


2. You avoid Daycare Centers -The ever more present dangers with having your children away 40 plus hours a week can cause stress. Seeing news articles about abuse, death and neglect make you shutter.


3. Life Revolves Around Family - Your family is a bigger part of your daily life.  The sacrifices you make are all worth it to be home with the kids.


4. You know your Kids Life - You know your childrens' Friends, Teachers, doctors and everyone else they come in contact with.  You know when they eat, what they eat and how they spend their free time.


5. FAMILY! - Yep... FAMILY!

So for those out there lucky enough to be at home, remember the reasons you are at home and how it is made possible.

The Big Family Party

Daily Picture: Let Me Eat MORE Cake...



Well to mark the milestone of my youngests first birthday we had a wonderful family party.  With many showing up from both sides we had 30 people at the house wishing our little man a happy birthday.  He was so excited to have all these people paying 100% attention to him.  Of  course he was given some new toys, but for the most part he was given cash and gift cards so we can buy clothes for him this spring.  Since he is not in the same seasons as his brothers this will be a big help when he needs a new wardrobe.  Since we were getting together anyways I decided it would be a good idea to add my Dad's birthday to the festivities.  His birthday is this coming Thursday and it works out great.  I baked a cake from scratch for the Baby and my SIL baked my Dad's favorite cake.

The Food

• Italian Beef and Rolls (Supplied by my Uncle, Owns a Resturant/Bar in Chicago)


• 3 Buck Chuck (Wine from Trader Joe's, no longer 2 Buck Chuck)


• Shrimp Cocktail from Costco (Dads Favorite)


• Salad from Costco


• Blue Moon, 312 and Fat Tire


• Potato Salad from Jewel


• Coke, Perrier and Box of Joe from DunkinDonuts.


• Cheese, Chips, Salsa and Guac...

Overall everyone had a good time and I really enjoyed entertaining.

The 5

1. Battlestar Galatica - The Final episodes are upon us.  The first was a shoicker and the second a bit odd.  We shall see were this finally ends up.


2. Lost - New Episodes... Might have Jumpered the Shark.


3. Teen Meladramas - Twilight, New Moon and Now Eclipse... I started with a curiosity, but now have a need to finish the series.  The Moms think it is great...


4. The Cold - It has been so cold here for weeks.  The temps at or below "0" in the mornings cause a general chill in the bones.


5. Gears of War 2 - Borrowing it from my brother.  Played for a few minutes today and it looks like it will be a good followup.

The Cake Monster

A Wonderful Milestone

Daily Pictures: Let Me eat Cake!





Yesterday was my youngest sons 1st Birthday.  This is a major milestone for so many reasons.  Less than two years ago we had suffered our 4th loss and we had given up all hope of having our third child.  Well after we thought all hope was lost and the wife took a new job low and behold we were pregnant.  Now we have a wonderful cute little man making every day seem a little better.

The festivities actually started Tuesday Night when I turned the car seat around to face front.  1 Year and 20 Pounds.  We took the van out for a ride with the whole family going around the block a few times.  He was so excited as was I.  This for me is an amazing time, his whole world changes and gets to see everything in a new light.  He had a blast yesterday as we did errands and went to and from his brothers preschool.  We the festivities continued with Dinner Wednesday night with a bunch of new foods and some favorites.  After Dinner we had CAKE!  I bought a little chocolate cake for him and he LOVED IT!  The birthday fun continues Sunday when we have about 30 relatives over for Dinner and more CAKE!

The Cake.

Well for Sunday I am making a Red Velvet cake from scratch.  I practiced on Monday and realized my reciepe was missing a step too late. (See last post)  Well I have everything ready to make the Cake and Frosting Saturday Morning.  This way I will still have time on Sunday if I make a mistake,

The 5 (Audio Book Edition)

1. Twilight - Yes the Vampire Chick Romance Book.  Since the movie got so much hype I decided to take a listen.  Since my library has so many Audiobook and that was one I figured I would take a chance.  not bad, enjoyable enough to listen to the rest of the series.


2. New Moon - The Sequel to Twilight.  It was a little more up tempo and still enjoyable enough.  I will listen to the final two when I get a chance. The library has 3 copies of Elcipse, but they are currently checked out.


3. Brisingr- The 3rd and final book in the Inheritance Cycle.  Eragon, Eldest, Brisingr.  This is next on tap.  Will start that one probably tomorrow.  The other two were enjoyable enough.  Not too amazing, but good enough that I want to finish the series.


4. The Stand - This is one I really want to listen to.  Right now it does not appear it is available on audio book.  I noticed many of the King novels are being released again so I am hopeful


5. Enders Saga - I listened to Enders Game last year and will start the rest of the books in the Sage soon.  The Library has a whole bunch of them.

I will be looking for other titles soon enough and I am sure will have to get some brought in from other libraries.  They do have a download system, but currently it only works with Windows Media Files.  I have an iPod so that does not help.  I typically convert the CD's to play on my iPod and delete when I am done.  This way I can do laundry, clean house and other things while lilstening to the books.  I really do not have too much desire to listen to most books a second time.  And if I do I am sure I could just borrow it again.

Diamonds in the Snow.

Diamonds in the Snow

Well even though I get real sick of the weather her in late Jan/Early Feb there are some pretty cool things.  The boys had no school Thursday or Friday due to EXTREME weather conditions.  The temperature was -20 F and the wind chill exceded -30 F.   If you are one of those warm weather people that have never experenced that extreme cold it is difficult to describe.  In just a few minutes any exposed skin begins to hurt and then breathing the cold air burns your lungs.  The last couple days we have had a bunch of light snow flurries dropping very dry snow on the ground.  So today with the sun out bright with an amazingly blue sky the snow looks like millions of Diamonds sparkling on the ground.  As you drive by the vast open areas the flickering light is almost mesmorizing.  Even in the extreme cold you can see some amazing and beautiful things.

5 Day Weekend for the kids...

With the snow days for the extreme cold and today being MLK day the boys have been home and inside most of the time for 5 days.  I think we may be getting on each others nerves.  I think 4yo is having the most rrouble since he likes to run, run, run and he really has no place outside for that.  Couple months and we will be outside all the time.

Wednesday is Babies 1st Birthday.

It is unbelievable that the baby turns 1 yo this Wednesday!  We are have family over for a party on Sunday and the count looks like 30 people.  I will be doing Italian Beef that my uncle can get through his restaurant supplier.  I am also baking a cake from scratch.  Thankfully I did a dry run first since I found a step was missing from my moms recipe.  My mom gave me a book of recipes that are family favorites and when she copied it over she forgot the "Baking Soda" step.  I am not an experienced baker so I did not notice until the cake came out more like a cookie than a cake.  The cake is a Red Velvet cake that my mom used to make for my older brother and I on our birthdays.  With her not being here for my little ones 1st birthday I thought this would be a neat thing to do.  I am so excited about my sons birthday, but at the same time a little sad since my mother is not going to be here to enjoy my sons 1st birthday.  She had been talking about it for a long time which is going to make it tough for me to think about.  I just hope that somewhere somehow she can see the joy on my sons face.

Car Seat Turnaround.

On Wednesday I get to turn the car seat around since he will be 1yo and over 20 pounds.  For me this is one of the most exciting times with the 1st birthday.  The excitement and joy in his face with be priceless.  I am also a car seat nut and make sure the seats are perfect.  Once turned around it is so much easier to get the seat in 100% correctly.

Mr. Mom, and other silly comments.

In our culture people and the media have to define everything.  Despite the steamroller that is political correctness.  People cringe at terms that define gender in our over correct culture like Stewardess vs. Flight Attendant.  However these same people will think nothing of demeaning a Dad that has taken the roll as primary caregiver.  In 1983 Michael Keaton and Terri Garr starred in the comedy Mr. Mom that at the time dealt with a very unique subject.  Even the tag line shows how much culture at the time felt a Dad could be responsible for his children.  "When mom goes to work, dad goes berserk!" More then 25 years later the term Mr. Mom still sticks to those Dads that stay home with their children.

The term Mr. Mom is actually a very poor choice of words. Mr. (mister: a title of respect prefixed to a man's name or position) Mom ( a female parent) Last I checked I am a Dad (a male parent) which makes the term Mom not apply to me.  As a parent I am insulted that the thought only a Mom could stay home with the kids and a Dad can't.  I know there are plenty of Fathers out there that have very little to no interaction with their children.  Even before I became an At Home Parent I changed my share of diaper, gave baths, fed and cared for my children.  The term insinuates that to be at home and care for your children you have to be a Mom.  With this logic does this mean that every woman that works should be called Mrs. Dad? Only men should work while the wife stays home with the kids and devotes her life to her husband so any woman outside of this role should be referred to as Mrs. Dad.  If I were to go to an office some where and call a working Mom Mrs. Dad I think I would be criticized, yelled at and probably run out of town.

It never fails to amaze me how much the media holds on to the term Mr. Mom like a crutch.  I really enoy the articles claiming to be supportive of the family that has the option of having a Dad stay home only to call  them Mr. Mom in the article.

This is not by far the worst term I have heard nor the only term, but it is the one that seems to hang over At Home Dads the most.  I have heard everything from "House Husband", "Baby sitting Today", "Dads day with the kids", "Ah nice to see Mom got a break from the kids", "Dads Stuck With the Kids" to a few that I will not repeat.  Can we just move beyond the term made famous by a comedy in 1983?  The last I checked I am a parent that stays home so I guess that makes me an At Home Parent, or Mr. Parent.

At the same time I think many people have a misconception about the role the wives play in a house with an At Home Dad.  In our house we have always viewed everything as a team effort and that everything from the housework to the kids should be divided up equally.  My wife does not come home from work expecting a Martini, warm meal and a bath drawn for her while she reads her latest magazine or watches her favorite show.  The moment my wife walks through the door she is Mom.  The kids are with her and nothing could please her more then spending as much time with them as possible.  Yes there is pretty much always a warm meal prepared by me, but that has nothing to do with me being home.  I have always been the one cooking and the wife has always been the one not able to cook.  We divide up the housework and our team effort works well.

After a quarter century I would think people would have better things to do then use a worn out term for an Michael Keaton comedy.

No matter what anyone calls me however I know I have one very important title, DAD!

Trying to balance life and emotion after loss.

As my life gets back to the normal daily grind I find myself struggling to maintain focus.  The month of  December was a roller-coaster ride of sadness that still seems so unreal and far away. I knew that someday I would face the loss of a parent, but not so soon.  All the things I wanted say to my mother that went unsaid, the things I wanted to do that will never get done.  To have these thoughts and to some extent regrets really changes the focus of life.  Life must go on, yet those lingering feelings of sadness at times can take a little too much control of life.  As I focus on my children and the struggles with them, frustration can boil over a little easier then normal.  8yo misses his Grandmother and even commented so last night. The 4yo still is struggling with the idea of death and loss and asked about funerals this morning.  When these questions come up I realize how much more time it will take to move beyond the loss.

Adding to the whole struggle of loss there are of course the normal issues with the kids.  8yo is struggling to remember things, which I have found is a rather normal thing for an 8yo.  Granted he is my son so forgetting things will be something he will have to live with. The transition to third grade is a big leap for the kids giving them more responsibilty which adds to his level of stress.  Throw in sports and dealing with his brothers and it can be an emotional mess. 4yo is still struggling to find his place.  Being the middle child at times he wants to be the big boy and at times he struggles not being the baby.  This has lead to him being a bit dramatic about everything and thinking if he acts like his baby brother he will get what he wants.

Throw in the economy and the fact that my work at home position is a lot less Work a bit of a cloud sits above us as we try to budget and keep everything in line for our future plans.

Life is a struggle and at times puts us to the test.  There really is only one solution to the test, pass it.  As we all move forward we have to live life...

The joys of a Cranky 4 Year Old

Daily Picture: Grandpa and my 3 boys...



Last night was a long night with the baby waking and not settling much because he is cutting more teeth.  At the same time 4yo woke and would not go back to bed.  He ended up sleeping on the floor in our room.  Since my Hernia repair the bed is off limits to him while I sleep.  He is a tornado in the bed and that could create too many problems for me.  Well all morning he just completely lost it yelling at everything, crying at the drop of a hat and was just plan CRANKY!  After one major blow up I sent him to his room and bed.  He refused and that got him in more trouble.  In the end he was in his bed yelling and pleading to come out.  This lasted for all of 5 minutes and then silence.  I went and checked on him to find him curled up and covered in bed fast asleep.  Nearly 3 hours later he woke and the first thing out of his mouth.. "Can I Come Out Now?"  After the nap he was much better, but he is causing problems tonight since he does not want to go to sleep.

Baby Stand.

Well the baby can "Cruise" on the furniture and has a blast.  Well yesterday afternoon he started standing up at the sliding glass door and letting go.  He would stand for about 20 seconds and them grab for the window.  Today he was doing it again at the coffee table, couch, walls and anywhere else he could.

Good Eater

Well I guess 3rd time is the charm.  Oldest is really pickey and hardley eats snything, middle son is ok and will try a bunch of stuff, but the baby will eat ANYTHING!!!  Sunday he had Chinese Take Out and today he had Pizza.  It was all cut into tiny pieces, but he was so excited to eat.

The 5

1. Snow- Was snowing a little again.  Not a big fan anymore, but I guess it beats the slop in the spring.


2. Always Next Year - With the Bears not making the playoffs the only team I like that is left is the Titans.  I hope they can pull it off.


3. Pukey Puppy - Well my not so little furry child decided to eat "Backyard Brownies" and paid the price.  I saw he looking odd and put him out to have him puke on the outside back steps.  EWE!!!!


4. Assassin Droid - Well the 4yo needs to bring something to school that starts with the letter "A"  His choice an Assassin Droid Action Figure from Star Wars.  Wonder if I will get a note from the teacher.


5. Favorite Toy from Christmas - 4yo needs to bring in a favorite toy from Christmas.  First choice NERF DART TAG!  Hmmm I see another note in my future...

Life getting back to "Normal"

Daily Picture: The Bigger Boys Christmas Loot...





The loot the boys got on Christmas morning.   Around here however they pretty much had multiple days of Christmas due to different family gatherings.

Well today is the first day back to "Normal" after a December that was heart breaking, busy and had me getting another hospital visit.   On December 19th I had my hernia repaired which pretty much made me unable to do much of anything through the holidays.  I got to sit and rest, walk, rest, walk, rest...  An unexpected side effect of the operation is a complete loss of appetite.  So since the day of the operation I have lost nearly 15 pounds.  Which is really good considering I put on weight the previous couple weeks with the passing of my mother.

I was looking forward and dreading today since I am on my own for the first time since I had the hernia fixed.  I have to be extremely cautious picking up the baby which is going to be difficult since I have hardly picked him up  or held him since December 19th.    So hopefully today goes well and right now I am actually enjoying a little quiet with the baby napping, 4yo at preschool and 8yo at school.

The 5

1. Holiday Excitement - With the holidays and 3 kids the excitement level was off the charts.  Next year when the baby is almost 2 I am sure that level will be magnified even more.


2. Football Pool - For week 16 in the NFL I won my local football pool.  That was a nice way to start the week.


3. Furnace Issue - New Years Day Night our furnace went out and would not restart.  Considering it was rather cold this was not a good thing.  I did find out however that our gas fireplace can keep our two main levels at about 68 degrees.  We all camped out in the family room with the fire and the furnace was repaired the following morning.  Turns out a cable bundle was loose in the system.  The only way it was loose was because when it was installed it was not put in all the way.


4. 8yo Sports - Well 8yo played football this fall again, is currently on the swim team and told us he does not want to be on swim team after the  season is over.  I am sure football is out as well since he is so small, but where to go from here.  Wife might to a parent child Karate class with him.


5. 4yo Cry Baby - Well don't call him that or he will get really mad.  Lately he has been acting like the baby in order to try to get his way.  It does not work and I hope he figures that out soon.